Love Me Dead
by RainbowToeSocks
Summary: I was seventeen years old when Edward Cullen knocked me up.Six years later, I have a five year old daughter & no sex life.When I meet Edward on a blind date, not only does he get into my pants again, but it also turns out,it was only a booty call. Bastard


_'Cause I stole your soul_

_You said I'd never be able_

_But oh, the whole world is still on my string._

_-Lydia_

**Chapter One**

Edward's fingers idly traced the contours of my back. I shivered, and he wrapped the blanket tighter around my body.

"Edward. Really, I'm fine." I stripped the blanket from between us and pushed myself closer to him, stubbornly resting my chin on his chest.

"Bella, honestly, you're freezing. Look at yourself." Edward pointed out as he placed the blanket back over me, forming a barrier between us.

He could be two hundred degrees, and I would still shiver at his slightest touch.

"Why don't you get under the covers with me? You can stay the night, you know," I plead, needing to feel his touch. Craving it, actually.

He smiles down at me. "I can't, love." He kissed my forehead. "I've got to get home."

"Right. I get it," I muttered. "You're going to see _her_." I was getting moodier lately, and Edward was beginning to piss me off.

"Bella," he sighed, softly placing his lips over mine, intending to silence me.

"Oh no, not this time. You're not going to use those sweet little kisses to make me be quiet. No."

"Bella, I--"

"Is that all you can say? I'm well aware of the fact that you've been seeing other girls for your 'sexual needs' because I don't want to have sex anymore." My voice rose as I called him out on it, and I no longer cared whether or not Charlie overheard.

Edward went to reach for my chin, but I pulled away, not wanting to relent to his touch.

"Just leave Edward. Please." I whispered softly suddenly growing tired and nauseated. Closing my eyes and turning around, I heard him climbing through my window. I ran my hand lightly over the slight bulge forming in my stomach.

**Six years later…**

"Bella, darling, come hither," Justin cooed, opening his arms to capture me in a hug. I couldn't help but smile at his odd word choice. I shook my head and continued pouring the coffee into a mug.

"Sorry Justin, this is rush hour," I replied, adding in the various sugars and sweeteners the man in the blue plaid shirt had asked for. I felt his impatient gaze on me, obviously wondering where the hell his coffee was.

I glanced apologetically in plaid shirt man's direction and shooed Justin away from the plate of cookies. Grabbing the coffee from the counter, I rushed over to the man and handed him the mug.

I apologized for the long wait, even if it had only been about ten minutes. He should be rejoicing. He got a fresh brew, so it was hot and steamy. People could at least show a bit more appreciation.

"Renesme!" Justin yelled over the clamor. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet with her held high above his head.

"Justin, poot me down," I heard her shriek as she erupted into a fit of giggles.

She still hadn't managed to fully pronounce her words yet, but she was progressing. She would be turning five this November, only two short months away.

I resumed taking and fulfilling various orders until my shift was finally over.

I noticed a group of girls in their mid-teens staring longingly at Justin, but their thoughts were probably shattered when they saw John drape his arms around Justin's waist. John was his petit ami as Justin liked to say, which he has had to clarify on many occasions. Apparently it means boyfriend in French. Justin and John complimented each other perfectly.

I find it rather amusing to watch the girls pine over Justin's raven black hair that falls carelessly over his onyx eyes and the way confidence seems to radiate around him. Wow Bella, way to have a cynical outlook on life. They're just teenagers for god's sake. Just because you have a lack in the romance department does not mean you need to stand back like an old cranky bitch.

"Mommy?"

I felt a persistent tugging on the hem of my skirt and scooped Renesme up into my arms.

"What is it honey? I just need to get everything together, and then we can go home, put a movie on, and go to sleep."

"No, it's not that. You just don't seem happy," she observed, looking knowingly into my eyes. She lightly placed her palm against my forehead and closed her eyes.

"Hey Justin," my voice low in comparison to the loud humming of the cars zipping by. "Can you get the keys out of my purse?"

He handed me the keys and bid me goodnight, as I balanced Renesme of my hip.

I hurried to my car, the only one in the parking, and hastily buckled Renesme into the backseat then climbed into the car myself and revved up the engine. I locked the doors of the car. A habit.

Resting my head against the seat with my eyes closed and my hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, I tried to find relief in the silence. I loved Renesme. I really did. But sometimes things just became too much. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I had never gotten pregnant or met Edward, for that matter.

I almost hated myself for even thinking such thoughts. Renesme is my own flesh and blood, and I wouldn't trade her for the world or take back what I did.

As I opened my eyes, a form moving in my peripheral vision caught my attention, and I took that as my queue to leave. I didn't want to be put in any type of situation where Renesme could get hurt, even if I thought I could beat the crap out of any jack ass who thought he could hurt either of us.

I pulled into the driveway, and dragged myself out the car and lifting Renesme out of her car seat as well. I fiddled with the jumbled mess of keys in my hand until I found the house key and inserted it in the door.

I walked in, making sure I locked the door, then headed towards Renesme's room. Her room was conveniently next to mine and small in comparison. Hopefully, someday I'll be able to afford something a little larger than this house.

Don't get me wrong. I was thankful that I was able to scrap together enough money to afford this and all the other things needed for Renesme when she was a baby. Babies are pretty damn expensive.

Renesme released a small sigh and rolled over in her bed. I smile slightly at her sleeping form. She looked so vulnerable, but I knew she was safe despite my constant worrying.

I kiss her on the forehead then head to my room to get ready for bed.

I pull on a nightgown that falls mid-thigh, and I tread sleepily into my bathroom. Splashing my face with water and gently patting it dry with a towel, I blink a few times to make sure nothing's in them. I considered taking a nice hot relaxing shower but decided on taking one in the morning.

The second I crashed on my bed, I fell asleep.

Xxxx

"Come on Bells, have some faith in me. There's no reason to be nervous, you look gorgeous," Justin reassured me.

"I can't believe you've gotten me to go on a blind date. Again," I muttered, nearly tripping in the four-inch heels I had been forced to wear.

"What about Renesme?" I asked, hoping to find a way out of this horrific situation. Though I knew she was perfectly fine in John's caring hands.

"She's fine!" he replied, exasperated. Justin grabbed my purse from the backseat and looked me over, checking to make sure everything was just right. He grinned in satisfaction.

"Go get 'im you sexy beast," he cheered, swatting my butt on my way out of the car. "And remember, his name is Ben."

I approached the waiter, feeling slightly queasy and asked if there were reservations under the name of Ben. He signaled me to follow and led me threw the double doors into a large room.

I search the room, looking for any men sitting alone. There was a man with blonde hair gelled into messy perfection. He could be Ben, I told myself. He looks nice enough, but the waiter leads me around a corner onto the candle lit terrace.

So, Ben is a romantic, I smile to myself. Maybe he won't be so bad after all.

Near the edge, overlooking the water, I noticed a familiar face and instantly went into shock. I felt my heart stutter in my chest and begin pounding in my throat. The waiter glanced back and motioned me forward, leading me towards the last place I wanted to be this night.

"Here you go, madam. I hope everything is to your taste," the waiter said as he turned briskly on his heels to return to his post.

Running my hand through my hair, I nervously took my seat, not daring to make eye contact. I could feel his penetrating gaze and began strumming my fingers on my thigh. It could almost be considered a nervous habit of mine.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. No one's stopping you from leaving," he said softly.

I bit my bottom lip. "No, I'll stay."

"Honestly Bella, I've missed you." He leaned in a bit closer, massaging the top of my hand with his thumb, his voice low, "Plus, I've been desperate to see you again." He pulled away when a waiter came to take our orders.

Somewhat shaken I ordered some sort of pasta; my mind couldn't focus on comprehending the words in front of me. He ordered a steak the rarest it could possibly go.

I place my hands in my lap and lightly run my finger of the spot his thumb had been. It was unnerving that he still looked the same after six years, and I looked and felt so much older. The same copper colored hair still fell in his face, and he still had those piercing gold eyes, I remembered looking into.

He didn't even know about Renesme. I'd moved back to Phoenix to live with Renee, when I was about two months into the pregnancy, so no one knew why I had moved since I wasn't showing at the time. They all probably assumed I had gotten tired of Forks, just like my mother.

"Why are you here now?" I asked nervously, starting to pick at my red nail polish.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he looks at me earnestly and reaches over to touch my arm. I back my chair up, making a screeching noise and causing others to stare curiously.

"No, you don't. You knew me for five months. That's it. We haven't even seen each other in years for God's sake."

He frowns and withdraws from me, deep in thought. "Why did you leave?"

"Because I had to," I twist the truth somewhat. Technically, I wasn't lying to him.

"Come back with me. We can talk about everything at my apartment," his eyes plead me and he reaches for my hands. If I let him touch me, I know I'll give in.

I'm floored. "You have an apartment here?"

He nods his head.

"Since when?" My eyes narrowed and I stood up, not wanting to hear an answer.

"Not too long ago," he attempts to lighten the mood by smiling at me, but I don't look at him.

I begin walking quickly and wrapping my jacket tightly around my body, trying not to start crying where everyone could see me.

"Bella! Wait!" I head Edward calling behind me, but I break into a run and slam into the side of my car, breathless. I watch the air in front of my face turn white and shakily open my door and climb in. My hands trembled, so I inhaled deep breaths and closed my eyes.

I hear the door open and scream, afraid that some killer was going to hi-jack my car, but it was only Edward.

"Damnit, Bella!" He growls angrily. "Just give me a fucking chance."

I grudgingly look over at him and study his face. "Fine. Where's your apartment?"

His face brightens up, and he smirks. "I'll drive." He steps out of the car and comes around to the driver's side, opening the door. I slide to the passenger side and buckle my seatbelt.

Damn him and that twisted smile of his.

* * *

_Soo, should I continue? o.O Let me know! _

_(Also this is a rewrite of what I wrote before; I just switched pen names. So there's no confusion.)_


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